Burying his mom was the hardest thing he had had to do since…well, since burying his dad 25 years earlier.
Now, 6 days post-funeral he is back in the office. He thinks to himself, “Things seem so clear…” but everyone around him is thinking, “His head is not quite right yet.” And why should it be? 6 days ago he stood beside his brothers and sisters as they lowered the matriarch of the family, the most constant and consistent part of their lives, into the ground alongside their dad. Things were different. They were orphans now.
He has been about his work since his return, glad to have the distraction however there is no escaping those moments when he is alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that don’t just creep up on him, they rush his mind like an invading army of Huns.
He is solid; mentally, emotionally, spiritually tough. The way his mom was. One of the traits that they had in common. One of the many. Mom was caring, but transparent. You knew that she loved you, but you also knew what she thought about you, your friends, your choices… That integrity, the fact that right or wrong you knew where you stood with her, was a turnoff to some but he had always found it refreshing. He thought to himself, “Mom’s integrity, dad’s charm. A golden combination.”
He hadn’t been sleeping well since the funeral, but he found himself feeling well-rested. Since mom died on Christmas Day, the year-end business that had to be done was a week behind so there was some stress in his world however, he found that in spite of the presence of stress he wasn’t necessarily “stressed”. This had not been the case just 7 days ago.
So now he is wondering if he is in a fog? Nah! He knew the difference between “intensity” and just being “tense”. He is aware of his circumstances, he knows what needs to be done and what has to be done, and he knows the difference. He knows you can maintain your “edge” without being “edgy”.
Clarity of mind and purpose; this was his meditation each day, and he felt as clear about where he was and where he was headed as he had in a long, long time.
But he also realizes that you can achieve clarity within the fog.
- Big Wave Dave
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